Oh em effin' gee, I put grapes in the oven!

So at Sunday's second Italian potluck (this one held at the new C-T estate), I actually had the wherewithal to prepare and bring bona fide foodstuffs with me. This happens rarely, see, because I know how to cook, like, four things. Luckily, two of them are Italian! (The other two are scrambled eggs in the microwave — seriously, they are awesome — and some other type of chicken casserole shit.)

I have been raving about roasted grapes for more than a year now, ever since I had them at my friend Lesley's house in Nashville. I'd never even heard of such a concept until then, and I keep encountering people who haven't heard of roasted grapes either. So I intend to spread the gospel, especially since they are so super easy to make but seem so damn fancy.

You need:

• A lot of seedless grapes (I've only ever prepared and had red, but I'm betting white/green would be interesting too) and, depending on your preference, you can decide whether to remove the stems (I leave the stems).

• EVOO (in a spritzer preferably; otherwise you will need to put the grapes plus a smidge of olive oil in a plastic bag and shake until magical coating occurs).

• Kosher or sea salt

Pre-heat the oven to 450 degrees. Put the grapes in a roasting pan and spritz with olive oil (just a bit; you don't want major coating and dripping). Sprinkle with salt. Roast for 15 minutes.

The result is a really interesting blend of textures and tastes. The grapes become warm and sweet and savory all at the same time.

mushroom quiche with savory walnut crust

i wish that i could see my way clear to eating an all butter version of this. alas, i cannot. i use half butter and half olive oil. the key to this is freezing the olive oil so that it has the consistency of shortening without actually, you know, being shortening. because that's gross.

for the crust-

1 cup unbleached flour
heaping 1/4 cup unsalted walnuts (or almonds or pecans, whatevs)
1/4 cup butter*
1/4 cup frozen olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp brown sugar
3-4 tsp ice cold water

place the nuts in a food processor or a stand mixer fitted with a steel blade and process until they are ground semi-fine. add the butter and pulse about 10 times, just enough to make a crumbly mixture (it is very important to not over mix!) add the frozen olive oil by the spoonful and sort of dot the top of the mixture, do not just glop it all in there! pulse 5 more times until just mixed, dough should resemble a coarse cornmeal. add the ice water a tablespoon at a time until the dough begins to hold together.

remove dough to a lightly floured surface and form into a ball. knead just enough to form into a disc roughly 4 inches in diameter. wrap in plastic or parchment paper and chill for at least an hour or up to 2 days.

let stand at room temperature for 5-10 minutes before rolling. place on a lightly floured surface and roll disc out until you can place your pie tin on the top and have about 2 1/2 inches of dough out around it. transfer dough to a well buttered/oiled pie tin.. trim any excess dough and flute the edges with your thumb and forefinger. score the bottom of the dough with a fork or knife and pre-bake at 375 degrees for about 5-7 minutes. remove crust and reduce heat to 350.


* - i like to cut the butter into small chunks and then freeze them. it makes it easier to work with.

for the filling-

you can pretty much do anything for this. the only things that don't change are the eggs and milk.

2 tablespoons olive oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 large shallots, chopped
2 green onions, chopped
1 cup baby bella mushrooms, sliced
about 1/3 cup minced fresh herbs, i used rosemary, sage, lemon thyme and lavender, but really whatever you have/love
1 1/2 cups shredded cheese- again, you can use whatever you want. i used 1/2 cup smoked gouda, 1/2 cup swiss and 1/2 cup parmigiana
4 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk or half/half
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/8 tsp cardamom
1/8 tsp cumin

heat the olive oil in a skillet and add shallots and garlic, sautee over medium heat until translucent, add the mushrooms and continue sauteeing until just tender. stir in green onions and remove from heat. spread mixture across the bottom of a pie crust and cover over with the cheese(s). whisk eggs and spices and milk together and pour over mushroom mixture. bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until the center is set and an inserted blade comes out clean.

Shrimp & Linguine with Spicy Tomato Cream Sauce

I didn't tell anybody this last night because I find it a little embarrassing, especially when I consider how much I loathe this man, but this is actually an Emeril Lagasse-inspired recipe. I know. And it's so good. It will make you wanna slap yo' mama; it's that mmm-mmm-good.

This recipe calls for quite a bit of prep-work, but it's really not difficult. Not at all. I do find it helpful to cut up all my ingredients before I start cooking.

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup sea salt or kosher salt
• 16 oz bag of linguine
• 2 tbs butter
• 1 tbs olive oil
• 1 lb shrimp (cleaned, peeled, deveined)
• 2 tbs Emeril Lagasse's ESSENCE* (you'll use this in increments)
  
• 1 1/2 tsp salt (you'll use this in increments)
  
• 1 cup diced yellow onion
• 1/4 cup diced jalapeno**
• 1 tbs minced garlic
• 1 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
• 1 cup diced tomato
• 1/2 cup reserved water from the cooked pasta (it's salt water, basically)
• 1 cup pepperjack cheese, shredded
• 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
• 2 tbs fresh parsley, chopped
• 2 tbs fresh basil, chopped

For the linguine:

Add the sea salt to a big pot of water and bring to a boil. Add the linguine, and then start making the sauce. By the time your sauce is ready for the linguine, it should be soft enough to eat. Remember you'll need to save 1/2 cup of this water to incorporate into the dish.

For the sauce:

Begin with the largest sauce pan you have, at least 12". I've tried using a large skillet, and it's rather messy. A large sauce pan or stock pot works better.

Add butter and olive oil to the pot over medium-high heat. While this is melting, in a bowl, season the raw shrimp with 1 tbs Essence and 1/4 tsp salt. Once the butter is melted, add the seasoned shrimp and brown them well on both sides. It should only take a few minutes. Shrimp are such delicate, fast-cooking rodents of the sea. Once they're seared well, remove them and set them aside.

With the seasoned buttery remnants left in the sauce pan, add the diced onion and jalapeno. Sautee them until the onions are translucent. Takes about 5 minutes. Then add the minced garlic to the pan. Let that brown for less than a minute or so, just long enough to get the good garlic smells going in the kitchen.

Add the ground pepper, remainder of Essence (1 tbs) & salt (1 1/4 tsp), and the cream to the pan. Bring it to a boil and stir for a couple of minutes or until the cream looks like it's reduced to about half.

Once the cream has reduced, add the shrimp, diced tomato, reserved cooking water, and linguine to the pan. This is when we hope that the linguine is soft enough to eat. If you are a little behind at this point, and the linguine still needs a few minutes to boil, you can turn the temperature down on the cream and let it simmer down a little until the pasta is ready. After adding the shrimp, linguine, reserved water, and tomatoes to the cream, continue to cook it over medium-high. Stir it up ocassionally and let it combine for about 5 minutes, so some of that yummy spicy flavor can cook into the pasta.

Then remove the pot from the heat. Stir in the pepperjack, parmesan, parsley, and basil.

And voila!

It's mama-slappin' time.

*This Essence stuff is actually a very good spice mix to keep around the house. You can even make it yourself. To make it, just combine the following:

• 2 1/2 tbs paprika
• 2 tbs salt
• 2 tbs garlic powder
• 1 tbs black pepper
• 1 tbs onion powder
• 1 tbs cayenne pepper
• 1 tbs dried oregano
• 1 tbs dried thyme

**Remember, when dicing fresh jalapenos (or any hot pepper, for that matter), to be mindful of what you're touching afterward. In fact, you may even want to consider wearing gloves. Also, another handy trick is to use a spoon instead of your fingers when you scrap out the seeds. I probably should have reminded my husband of all of the above yesterday when he set out to dice the peppers for me. He probably didn't tell you, but his ENTIRE FACE AND HANDS were on fire all night because the soap didn't get all of the pepper juice off after dicing, and he then proceeded to wipe his sweaty face off with his bare hands. He tried taking a shower, and that didn't work either. I was almost ready to hold his head down in a sink full of milk, but then people started showing up.... No hand jobs for me last night. No, thank you. No, sirree.

it's free and what's better than free?

Hey y'all... This is a post to say that I have put together a food zine called "beans & cornbread," and I'm offering it to whoever wants it for free. It's full of recipes, foodtalk, and haunting illustrations from a Christian children's book I picked up at the Amvets on Elvis Presley for 29 cents. If you send your address to me at longtallanimal@gmail.com, I will ever so pleasantly drop one in the mail for you. 

If you're reading this and you have a zine to trade, that would be even better. 

mu pad king (thai ginger pork)

when my beautiful hubbends lived in syracuse, one of his favorite restaurants was called mai lan. it was run by a cute little asian family, mostly the mom and dad. mamasan did all the cooking, naturally, and his favorite dish was the ginger pork. nothing since ever quite comes close. but this is a pretty great almost.

this was seriously so easy to make. the only pain in the ass part was all the tedium of cutting things so precisely.

ingredients-

• 1 pound pork loin, thinly sliced (about 1/4 inch)
• 3 thinly sliced (not chopped or minced) shallots
• 4-6 cloves garlic, minced
• 3-4 inches ginger, peeled and julienned
• 1 packet green tea
• 1 big handful of snow peas
• 1 big handful of bean sprouts
• 1 cup mushrooms, sliced
• 2 tbsp green curry paste
• 1/3 cup basil leaves, torn
  
• 1/3 cup scallions, both green and white parts

sauce-

• 1 tbsp fish sauce (nam pla)
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp oyster sauce
• 1 tbsp rice vinegar (i cheated and used white vinegar)
• 2 tsp palm sugar or brown sugar

sesame oil for frying

mix together the sauce in a large glass dish. add the sliced pork, shallots, garlic, ginger and tea to the sauce. stir to mix and cover with foil on the counter for 30 minutes to 1 hour. heat oil in a wok or a large deep skillet. add pork mix and sear until lightly browned. add mushrooms and curry and heat until mushrooms start to become tender. add remaining ingredients, stir well, cover and cook just until the snow peas turn bright green.

serve over steamed jasmine rice and eat with gusto.

Chicken soup that might save your soul

Our potlucks have themes. Sometimes they're very dumbed down, direct and to the point. "Indian," for example. "Italian." Other times someone gets a bee in their bonnet and chooses to make the theme a little more abstract. A few weeks ago, we had such a potluck, with the theme of...

Last Meal

Now, for me, this was a very easy decision, because every time my mother makes me her Mexican Chicken soup, I tell her that in case I was to be executed by my own government, I would want it to be the final dish served to me. It's like telling someone who loves you to be sure to cremate you -- they don't want to hear it, necessarily, but someone has to.

So, without further bullshit talking and trying to be entertaining, I present to you the recipe for the finest soup you have ever eaten, marked by my own dear mother on the recipe card she prepared for me with *v.v.g (very, very good).

Mexican Chicken Soup

(please don't let the rather generic title fool you)
1 whole chicken, fryer -- seasoned with salt (fuck this, I use boneless/skinless chicken breasts. I prefer not to deal with the grisly realities of eating meat)
2 cans chicken broth (I just boil the chicken and use that broth, and add in bullion cubes if I deem it necessary)
avocados
tomatoes
green onions
lime wedges
saffron rice (the kind in the little packages. the MSG stands for Motherfucking So Good)
seasonings (She notes "Italian seasoning, Worchestershire, Chili powder, Tony's Cajun, onion powder." I've never used the onion powder but I've used all the others. Just dump them in cautiously until the taste is right. The Tony's is the most important.)

Boil chicken until tender. Debone (or shred or chop if you've chosen to use the breasts) and put back in pot with broth. Add seasonings to taste and simmer. Cook rice and when it's done assemble in bowls; first rice, then chicken & broth, chopped vegetables, and finish it with a squeeze of lime over the whole thing.

I don't know if reading this recipe conveys to you the pure wonderful deliciousness of it, but good god almighty, it is MAGNIFICENT. Of course I'd probably eat a cow patty if you sprinkled enough chopped avocado on top.

Empanada, Mi Amor

These little babies were a hit, but who doesn't like a baked pie that you can hold in your hand? No one that I can think of. I found this recipe on Smitten Kitchen, which I have been obsessed with off and on, both for her great food and her wonderful photography. In fact, I can't wait until it warms up enough to have a picnic-themed potluck, because I'm going to make Smashed Chickpea Salad sandwiches and it's going to knock y'all's socks off.

So, I ripped off this recipe from Deb from SK, who in turn ripped it off from Gourmet. There's nothing original about it. But good Lord, they were satisfying and tasty and forced me to make a pastry crust, something I've been intimidated by in the past. And you know what? It was relatively painless.

Chicken Empanada with Chorizo and Olives
(click on the link for her lovely pictures because I suck and didn't take my own)
Makes 18 empanadas

Dough:
*4 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour (Deb note: I used 1/2 cup whole wheat flour)
3 teaspoons salt
2 sticks (1 cup) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
2 large eggs
2/3 cup ice water
2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar

Filling:
3 whole chicken legs, including thighs (2 to 2 1/4 lb total)
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
4 1/2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 large onions, halved lengthwise, then cut lengthwise into 1/4-inch-wide strips
2 large garlic cloves, minced
2 Turkish bay leaves or 1 California
1/3 cup finely diced Spanish chorizo (cured spiced pork sausage; 1 1/2 oz; casings discarded if desired)
1/2 teaspoon Spanish smoked paprika (not hot)
1/4 cup chopped pitted green olives1/2 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth

Egg Wash:
1 egg, lightly beaten with 1 tablespoon water

Make Dough: Sift flour with salt into a large bowl and blend in butter with your fingertips or a pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal with some (roughly pea-size) butter lumps. Beat together egg, water, and vinegar in a small bowl with a fork. Add to flour mixture, stirring with fork until just incorporated. (Mixture will look shaggy.) Turn out mixture onto a lightly floured surface and gather together, then knead gently with heel of your hand once or twice, just enough to bring dough together. (Deb note: If you use a large-ish bowl, you can do this step in-bowl.) Form dough into two flat rectangles and chill them, each wrapped in plastic wrap, at least 1 hour. Dough can be chilled up to 6 hours total.

Make Filling: Pat chicken dry and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Heat 2 tablespoons oil in a 12-inch heavy skillet over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking, then brown chicken, turning over once, about 6 minutes total, and transfer to a plate. Sauté onions, garlic, and bay leaves in fat remaining in skillet, stirring frequently, until onions are softened, 4 to 5 minutes. Add chorizo and paprika and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Add olives, wine, and broth and bring to a boil, stirring and scraping up any brown bits. Return chicken to skillet along with any juices accumulated on plate, then reduce heat to moderately low and simmer chicken, covered, turning over once, until tender, 25 to 30 minutes total.

Transfer chicken to a clean plate. (Sauce in skillet should be the consistency of heavy cream; if it’s not, briskly simmer until slightly thickened, about 5 minutes.) When chicken is cool enough to handle, discard skin and bones and coarsely chop meat. Stir chicken into sauce and discard bay leaves. Season with salt and pepper, then cool filling, uncovered, about 30 minutes.

Form Empanadas: Put oven racks in upper and lower thirds of oven and preheat oven to 400°F. Divide first dough and half of second dough into 18 equal pieces and form each into a disk. (The remaining dough can be stored in the freezer for future use.) Keeping remaining pieces covered, roll out 1 piece on a lightly floured surface with a lightly floured rolling pin into a 5-inch round (about 1/8 inch thick).

Spoon about 2 tablespoons filling onto center and fold dough in half, enclosing filling. Press edges together to seal, then crimp decoratively with your fingers or tines of a fork. Transfer empanada to a baking sheet. Make 17 more empanadas in same manner, arranging on 2 parchment-lined baking sheets.

Lightly brush empanadas with some of egg wash and bake in upper and lower thirds of oven, switching position of sheets halfway through baking, until golden, about 25 minutes. Transfer empanadas to a rack to cool at least 5 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

My notes: I bought chicken breasts because 1) I'm intimidated by chicken on the bone and 2) Loser-ass Kroger didn't have legs w/thighs attached. I can never find the proper cuts of meat around these parts. Curse the lack of a decent midtown grocer! Also, we ate the leftover filling the next day with some rice, I think. Maybe with tortillas. It's all a blur at this point.